


I smile so you can come back to me

by the_winterfloof_17



Series: Brightest Blue ever seen [9]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Steve Rogers, Avengers Family, Awesome Steve Rogers, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Extremis Tony Stark, M/M, Minor Character Death(s), Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Protective Avengers, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Surrogacy, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-24 11:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30071691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_winterfloof_17/pseuds/the_winterfloof_17
Summary: The hole that went through Tony's chest slowly healed overtime. The day he came back to earth, knowing thathewasn't there broke Tony's heart though. The five years have come and gone as they pleased, bringing along small gifts of happiness.All of that changes though when one Scott Lang comes back to tell the team that there is a way. There is hope to get everyone back. Not without a sacrifice though, like everything else Tony has done in his life. He will make sure to get back what was promised so long ago.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Series: Brightest Blue ever seen [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855435
Comments: 7
Kudos: 21





	1. Smile

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to publish the first two chapters because they are fairly short. But I do hope anyone that reads this, enjoys the chapters. 
> 
> Internally, my writer's block has one again been lifted and I'm suddenly panicking because the Falcon and the Winter Soldier is only four or three days away. So my mind is coming up with so many storylines right now because I am not DONE with this series yet. 
> 
> Each title of the chapter is named after the song that is put in at the beginning of the chapter. Just trying something new for a change.

_Smile though your heart is aching  
Smile even though it's breaking  
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by  
If you smile through your fear and sorrow  
Smile and maybe tomorrow  
You'll see the sun come shining through  
For you_

Smile - Nat King Cole 

… 

They had been on that ship for more than twenty days now, all while Tony felt nothing, absolutely nothing. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out completely and there was a hole there now. Well… figuratively and physically but that wasn’t the point. Tony distracted himself constantly, teaching Nebula about different games, hearing her describe how Thanos was as a father to her. Which, in his opinion, won the worst father of the year award compared to Howard. Every day, he kept look at the ring, every single fucking day. 

It hurt like a bitch, it really, like Tony said before, felt like his heart was ripped out. By the time that the Avengers finally find the two, Tony’s already half-way to dying. He knows that when he arrives back on earth, everything will change, half of the universe would be gone. With that, that is how Tony uses the faceplate to record one final message, one final thing to say if the team doesn’t find him. “This thing on?” He taps it gently, seeing the lights glow behind the glass slots of the faceplate. It flickers for a moment before Tony can see the small red dot, recording for him. “I don’t know if anyone is still out there, or if the team, the Avengers are still there. I just hope that someone that I know and trust is still down there, even if half of the universe is gone. Guess the shriveled grape really wasn’t kidding, huh…” Tony tries a smile but it only comes out as a small thing before slipping. 

“If the team finds this, whether it be Clint or Natasha, hell even Rhodey, I wouldn’t post this on Instagram. It’ll be a real tearjerker for anyone who sees it. I know we lost, we lost a lot, half the world actually and now, I don’t know. I just thought that maybe it would all turn out differently, thought we’d get one more chance to be earth’s mightiest heroes.” He looks down at the ring, the very ring that Bucky had given him, months before the Infinity war and Thanos came. They were happy, the memory of the sea water brushing against Tony’s clothed skin and Bucky’s strong arms. Tony huffs in annoyance, flicking away the tear that runs down his cheek quickly, “I’m fine, totally fine. I know Bucky would probably scold me for saying that though. This message is really for Bucky, but I don’t think he’s––,” his voice cracks a little, looking away for a moment to pull himself together. 

“I just hope that he’s in a better place now, that he was too injured in the fight. God, James, I-I don’t even know if you're… No, I’m getting off track now, sorry. When I go to sleep tonight, just like any other night, I’ll just picture us, together. Months ago when we were in the water, not caring if my suit was wet or your shirt was soaked. That moment when you asked me to––to marry me and I said yes. I promise, no matter what, I promise you, my tesoro, that _I_ will live the life that we promised ourselves.” He completely lets the warm trail of tears fall down his face, trying to crack another smile at the recorder. “I remember the first time that we met. I was only seven and I was outside, it was after I was kidnapped again and Howard refused to pay the ransom. It was in central park, and then–– there you were, standing there like a lost child. I thought you would laugh when I asked to sit next to me and watch the clouds. You never did and you haven’t since.

This, this will always be our blue sky, our _brightest_ blue sky will always be here, no matter what the universe does. When I close my eyes, I will only think of your pale blue eyes, tesoro.” He turns the recorder off, touching it gently as he pulls on a jacket. Tony carefully slides to the floor of the ship, stilling completely as his eyes close. He pretends he’s back in Malibu and that he was in bed again or in the workshop while the Soldier came and went. That one time they slept together at the compound, wrapped in each other’s arms as they fell asleep.

**_______________**

Carol Danvers finds them, uses her strength and abilities to bring them back to earth again. The doors open and Nebula helps Tony walk down carefully, finally seeing who made it. His heart dropped a little, only seeing Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Rhodey, and Pepper. Steve is the first to run to him, assisting Tony down the rest of the way, holding tightly onto the genius. Tony only focuses on Steve’s presence, not even looking at anyone else, “couldn’t stop him.”

“Neither could I.” Tony struggles in Steve’s hold for a moment, not used to using his strength in so long since working on the ship. “Hold on,” he pulls Steve back a little, stopping the blonde from walking any further, “I lost the kid.” Steve looked at him and that was when Tony knew they were both mourning, mourning people that had disappeared, turned to dust in their hands. “Tony, we lost.” He’s thankful that Steve doesn’t try to say anything to comfort him, just telling the truth alone. Tony smiles slightly, meeting Steve’s eyes, “is he––um… He’s gone, isn’t he?” There are fresh tears in Tony’s eyes and god, when did he become so emotional these days? 

He knows the answer when Steve looks away, swallowing tightly as he bites his lip from saying anything else. “I just wanted to be sure–––” his voice cracks before Steve is pulling him into a tight hug, holding onto Tony tightly as he sobs. His sobs are muffled but they are still there, they are still heard by what is left of the Avengers. 

He doesn’t let go of Steve for the rest of the way, because Steve is the closest thing left that Bucky had, besides him. They put him on an IV drip, make sure he gets food and liquids, everything to recover. At the same time, Steve and Natasha try to think of every possible way to get the stones back, to get everyone back. Tony knows that Steve blames himself for losing Bucky, the same way that Tony feels about the kid. He watches the people on the screen appear; Wanda, Bucky, Peter, Scott, even Vision, who was killed by Thanos. Tony doesn’t say anything, only tapping on the reactor that was in his chest and the ring that dimmed in the lights of the holograms. When Steve starts asking questions, that when Tony knows, he just knows, that this isn’t the time to ask about coordinates or clues or anything like that. 

“Steve, look at me, look at us. Look at all of us and stop for a moment. Do you really think we should be asking these questions right now?” He tries to shove down his anger because Tony just wants to stop, stop for a moment and realize that the one person he loved _was gone_. Tony ignores his body’s protest as he stands weakly from the wheelchair, walking towards Steve. They look defeated, all of them do and Tony knows that each of them are blaming themselves right now. 

But this isn’t going to help anyone, and none of them are going to get things done if it’s only to kill Thanos in the end. “I know you, me, everybody here, wants to find those stones and kill Thanos. But we can’t because I can’t do this right now. You can’t either, hell, none of us can! Except maybe Captain Sparkles over there! Steve, I can’t do what you're asking me to do when I just––when I just lost someone. When _you_ lost someone.” 

His hands cup Steve’s face gently, staring directly into them, hoping the message he was sending was being received through that stubborn head. “Don’t do this when you're still grieving, if you do this, promise me you won’t get your hopes up.” Tony pulls Steve into a hug, a hand running through Steve’s hair gently as he feels his strength slipping. Before anyone knew it, Tony was slumping against Steve’s hold, Steve catches him in time, worry etched on his face. 

Steve was determined then, after seeing Bruce give Tony a sedative to sleep better. He would find a way, no matter what happened. He would get the team together and they would find Thanos, _together_ , like they always did. “Make sure he’s ok, Pepper.” The redhead smiles weakly at Steve, squeezing his hand gently, “I will, otherwise I’ll threaten him with shoes. Do whatever you have to do to get our family back.”


	2. Spaceman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years and Tony thinks he can finally be able to fill that hole in his heart. Only for a chance to bring everybody back comes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how to write two middle names together, so sorry for that. Besides that, I hope anyone reading this, enjoys this chapter.

_From the dark side of the moon  
I know that it's sad but it's true  
I'm tryna get home, I'm a spaceman_

Spaceman – Nick Jonas  
… 

“Oh good lord! You're still working on that thing? Seriously Steve, you do know I can pay someone to do that.” Tony watches as Steve dips his paintbrush back in, continuing to paint the mural on the wall in the nursery. Four years later and Steve is still as stubborn as the first day that Tony met him on the helicarrier. But it makes him smile, seeing the blonde so relaxed for once, even after everything that happened to the team. “Yes, but this is your daughter and my niece, I’ll be damned if my best friend’s daughter has everything done by someone else.” 

“You know Bucky would support me on this too, don’t pretend he wouldn’t.” Tony chuckled as he sat in the rocking chair, watching as Steve gently painted small details onto the wall. At the time, when Tony told everyone that he was expecting a girl, he didn’t expect any of them to offer help. On that little detail alone, Natasha threatened to murder him in his sleep if he was that much of an idiot. The surrogate, Diana, laughed at the baby shower, enjoying the helpful gifts that Tony had received. 

All of those moments were beautiful, seeing the team come together to celebrate another baby on the way. A year ago, Natasha and Clint had their own son, named after Wanda’s brother, Pietro. It cheered the speedster up immensely since his sister had dusted. Two years before, Carol and Rhodey got married, but no one was really surprised, Tony knew it the moment they met each other. 

The years had been kind to Tony and the Avengers, enjoying every moment they all shared together. It still didn’t fill the hole that was in their hearts, even as the years passed. Tony had promised himself and James, that he would live the life that they couldn’t have together. He would enjoy every moment that James should’ve been there for but wasn’t. That explained every polaroid photo that was pinned on the refrigerator or the corkboard in the nursery. The lodge he had near upstate New York was beautiful, right near the Hudson River, enjoying the breeze and watching the snowfall every winter.

In moments like that, no matter how cold it was, Tony would go outside, sit on the porch and watch the shooting stars in the sky. He would close his eyes, imagining James wrapping his arms around him and whispering sweet little things into his ear. Or tease him about getting cold and worrying about Tony getting a cold or worse. 

Since Bucky wasn’t there to do that, Steve did, mother henning Tony to no end. At times, it annoyed the crap out of Tony but when Steve eventually explained why he did it, Tony let it go. Now, there was a baby on the way and Tony was feeling both nervous and excited about it. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready for fatherhood but with the team there to help, Tony thought he could finally be ready. Over the four years that it took to finally start moving on. He didn’t want to but he also knew that James would’ve wanted him to, for _them_. Tony can’t help but pull out the polaroid that Natasha got him, taking a picture of Steve as he continues to paint, smiling. “I can’t believe there will be a baby here soon.” 

Steve can tell that the man is still nervous, can tell that there are still insecurities of becoming what Howard was. “She’ll have the best father any baby could ever have, your gonna be amazing, Tones.” Tony grins at him, taking one more photo before walking and watching Steve quietly. “Do you think, if the whole infinity stones thing didn’t happen, do you think we’d ever get to this point?” Steve pauses his paintbrush for a moment, trying to think of the best answer to give. “I’m not sure. We never really stopped to think for a moment about any of this. The Avengers were always needed somewhere, why? Do you think none of this would happen the way it did?”

“I don’t know… it was just a thought. I just––” Tony trails off, unsure what to say now that he’s said it outloud. Steve puts the paintbrush, brushing his jeans off, he walks towards Tony and pulls him into a hug. “You're wondering if maybe you and Bucky should’ve done this long before everything, aren’t you?” He squeezes Tony tightly, feeling him start to shake a little before a muffled sob escapes Tony. It surprises them both but at the same time, it breaks Steve’s heart. Even though he was trying his best to watch Tony and help him in any way, Steve couldn’t replace Bucky. Everyday, he wished that Bucky was here, helping Tony with the nursery or be at the baby shower. Sometimes, he imagines, after comforting Tony when he had nightmares, that Bucky was there. He liked to imagine that Bucky was there with Tony, almost like a ghost. 

Those are also the nights that Steve can’t sleep, so he ends up working on the nursery more. A while ago, Pietro had brought over photo albums, saying it helped him cope with his sister and Vision being gone. Steve usually gathers all the polaroid pictures that are scattered around the house and brings them to the living room. He organizes them all, decorating them and writing what those moments on paper, hoping, praying one day that Bucky sees them.

**_______________**

Tony and Steve are just coming back from a family dinner at the Avengers’ compound when the phone rings. “Steve, turn down the music for sec, it’s Diana.” Steve lowers the volume and listens while driving as Tony picks up, answering it. “Diana––”

“My contractions are about five minutes apart, I’m already in a room at the hospital. You better hurry up,” Tony nearly drops the phone before answering they’ll be there. It’s how Tony and Steve end up almost breaking the law through speeding alone into Manhattan. They practically run through the hospital wing quickly getting the surrogate’s number and running to her room. Tony’s hands are shaking and he can feel his heartbeat louder than anything right now. “Did we miss it?” In return, they get a loud shriek, it was definitely Diana’s voice. Steve and Tony come to both sides of Diana, holding her hand tightly as she grunts. She was sweaty and her hair was sticking to her forehead as the doctors and nurses checked her over. 

When Diana started pushing, she almost broke Tony’s hand in the process, but he didn’t care at that moment. Only words of encouragement were heard as Tony and Steve spoke to her in hushed tones. “Wait–– wait I can’t do this, I can’t…” Diana looked at Tony and he knew what she had meant, she was scared, scared to push further. “Ok, hold on!” Removing the pillows from behind Diana, he climbs up behind her, positioning himself behind her. Her back pressed against Tony’s chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m right here with you, Di, I believe in you.” Diana smiles at him, tears falling down her reddened face before gritting her teeth. Diana pushes with all her strength, determined to do this, holding onto Steve’s hand tightly. 

The sounds of crying fill the air as Diana slumps against Tony. He hugs her gently, climbing off the bed and putting pillows in his place. She sighs, panting a little but throws a reassuring smile at Tony, encouraging him to go. Tony turns around in time to see the nurse smiling at him, holding a pink bundle in her arms. “Here you go, one healthy baby girl.” Carefully, the nurse hands the baby to Tony and suddenly, in that moment, everything else is forgotten. His heart stops when he finally sees her, pale blue eyes like James, olive skin and doe-eyes like him. Diana’s dark black hair comes out in small tufts on the baby’s head. Everything else though, looks exactly like Bucky, if it wasn’t for the doe eyes that Tony had. For a baby, she had long, beautiful dark lashes, a sign of her Italian genes. 

Tony runs a finger down her chubby cheek, causing the baby to squirm a little, snuffling too. Her eyes open again, a small chubby hand clasping onto Tony’s finger, having an unusual amount of strength in her already. But then again, she was a supersoldier baby, Tony and Diana both knew that from the beginning. “What will her name be, Tony?” Steve asks from across the room, as Diana and him both wait patiently for Tony to answer back. 

“Whitney Maria-Margaret Barnes. For all the female figures in our lifetimes.” 

“She’ll have a lot to fit on the papers, Tones.” Tony laughs quietly, shrugging at Steve as he holds her closely, kissing Whitney on the forehead. “Maybe, but she’ll be something special.”

**_______________**

The year goes by fast, faster than Tony thought possible. Whitney was growing up–––nicely to say the least, he wouldn’t say gracefully. Because if anything, Tony was never graceful and he’d be damned if his daughter wasn’t either. There were of course, good and bad days but they survived them perfectly, thanks to the team. Steve made sure that Whitney was fed, her diapers were changed, and read to her during bedtime when Tony wasn’t there. They both took pictures of Whitney’s first steps, when she was teething, her first bath, everything. There was not a single moment that the two of them wanted to miss, because they knew how important those photos would be one day. When she finally does say her first word, it’s not ‘papa’ or anything like that, she says “mammina,” the Italian word for mommy. Steve chuckles at Whitney calling Tony mom but the brunette doesn’t care.

“That’s right, tesoro, I’m your mammina. And you're my little bambina.” Later on, when the whole house is asleep except for Tony, he can’t help but sob a little. He covers his mouth with his hand to muffle the sobs so Steve doesn’t come in. He’s wearing one of Bucky’s henleys, the black one that has to be rolled up a few times for Tony. The faint smell of what was once Bucky, reaches his nose, calming Tony down slightly, pretending that the Soldier was here right now. “I wish you were here, James. Wish you could see what we are now.” 

It was a normal day when suddenly, Steve is coming back with Scott Lang and Natasha in tow. He was outside, helping Whitney walk down the stairs carefully. She’s wearing an adorable little navy blue onesie that says “Weiner Soldier” with a hot dog in a bun painted on the front. “Whitney M&M Barnes, what are you doing?” The four adults watch as the infant makes it to the final step, her eyes lighting up when she sees Steve and then Natasha. “Nasha!” She waddles toward the assassin excitedly, small chubby hands flailing a little as Natasha meets her halfway. Tony raises an eyebrow at Steve as he sees Lang follow them up to the porch of the house. 

“If I’d known there would be company, I would’ve cleaned the house.” He side-eyes Steve menacingly while Natasha carries Whitney in her arms. “Wow, I–- uh, didn’t know you had a daughter now, Stark––”

“It’s Barnes now, actually. Her name, by the way, is Whitney M.M Barnes.” He loves the way that Lang darts his eyes around, unsure whether he’s just said the wrong thing or not. Already getting the feeling they’d be here for longer than just a chat, Tony drags Steve into the kitchen to get dinner ready. “Why–– how? I thought you said he was _dusted_?” Tony whispers it low to Steve as they set the table up, watching Natasha and Lang play with Whitney. “That’s the thing Tony, he wasn’t dead… look, I’ll let him explain everything.” Tony gives him a confused look but doesn’t say more, setting the rest of the table and food down. 

Ten minutes later and Tony had to blink a few times at what he had just heard. “Wait, so you're telling me, you were in the quantum realm––for only five hours? Not five years?” 

“Time works differently in that realm, so um––I guess you could say that I was only in there for five hours. There was someone, or––er my partner, Hope, that was supposed to pull me out. But I guess she got dusted when I was in there.” He pauses, as if Lang has finally realized what was happening, which was a stopping point when Whitney started crying. “I’ll take her Nat, there’s some ice cream in the fridge for dessert.” Taking Whitney, he could see Natasha nod before going to the freezer, getting two large ice cream cartons out for dessert. He quickly changed her one last time before letting her go to sleep peacefully, singing a quiet Italian lullaby that Maria used to sing to him. 

Once she is asleep, that’s when Tony really comes out, ready to hear whatever Lang has to say. By the time he makes his way to the kitchen, it’s just Steve there now. “Where’d Lang go?” 

“Natasha decided to take him back home, he’s not alone luckily.” Tony hums in reply, sitting down next to Steve quietly. “You think this might be more than just what Lang said, don’t you?” He knows, _knows_ that Steve might see this as something that could help them bring everyone back. But what would it cost? What sacrifice do they have to make to do that? “Look, Tony, I know you might not want to think there is a way. You have everything you ever wanted except for one thing, and that’s Bucky.” Tony glares at Steve, ready to argue about it until Steve gives him that look, shutting him down quickly. “You think we can do this, five years later?”

“Tony, don’t you want to bring everyone back?”

“Yes, Steve, do I ever! But I… I can’t lose what I have now. But, what if, we do bring everyone back, what if he’s not ready? What if Bucky doesn’t want any of this if we bring them back?” It’s a thought that’s been nagging the back of Tony’s thoughts everyday for the past year or so. It might just be because Bucky didn’t get to experience any of those things with Tony, seeing Whitney walk or say her first word. What if he feels unprepared for it, or he’s just not ready. “Tony,” Steve’s gentle voice forces Tony out of his own thoughts for a moment, “he will love you and Whit no matter what. Always, isn’t that what you both promised each other?” Tony shrugs, hands fidgeting as he looks down at the ring, the very ring that was supposed to hold promises. 

“I just, I want him to love Whitney as much as I do now.”

“He will, Tony, he will. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a part of me is racking my head right now for ideas on the next story for this series. Because I guess I just don't want the Brightest Blue verse' to end yet. I really want to include a story post-endgame but I might have to modify a few stories to follow the storyline. Or part of it at least.
> 
> Thanks for reading, comment, kudos, thoughts! 💙

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that anyone who is a fan of this series liked the angst and the sadness. I promise though, that the next few chapters won't be entirely sad and angsty. More fluffy I think, but honestly I'm trying to make sure everything connects. Because TFATWS is coming and I have so many ideas for Winteriron to be in it. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, comment, kudos, share your thoughts on the chapter(s)! 💙


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